i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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