Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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