Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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