he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
