i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
