Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
