My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
