I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
