All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
