I'm sorry my penis didn't work
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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