left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
