I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
