A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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