Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry about my life...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
