I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
