Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
