dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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