It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I bet he comes in French.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
