happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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