My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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