just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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