can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
