I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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