i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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