do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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