I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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