All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
