Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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