i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
