His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
