i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize