With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
