and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's like iHOP with fire
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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