My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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