it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
