So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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