What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
