I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
