is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
