I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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