Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
