Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
