turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
