Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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