Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
