he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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