some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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