I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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