just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
