JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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