I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
