you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
