Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
