ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
