You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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