Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
