he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize