what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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