sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
