Cold hands, warm shart.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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