I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
