She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
