I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
this is an emotional support booty call
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
