I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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