do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
