Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
