3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
