I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
