god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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