guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
