I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
