I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
