so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
